The home of Allen Pooley

Not literally; he has a place he lives. This is just a website. He does not live in the website. That would be silly, and he is a super serious person.

Our incredible, diverse team:

Teamwork makes the dream work, after all!

Allen Pooley
The Man Himself

Allen enjoys short walks on the beach, long drives around cities, and loud music of the hard and / or heavy rock varieties.

Allen Pooley
This time in a car

Ok he lied about the walks. He's not much of a walker. Anyways, he's down for a drive and a coffee. Or a sit and a coffee. Or just a coffee. 

Allen Pooley
Looking Good, Champ!

He also looks super good when he poses. Yeah, you flex those muscles, you handsome dog you. Woo! Go Allen Go! 

Don't get strangled by sentient machines.

Follow my three step program to not die at the hands of AI:

Always say please and thank you to your AI assistants.

Tell your computers you love them.

Keep a screwdriver set handy at all times.

Doing battle with Zombies?

My battle-hardened family is ready to fight your zombie invasion. Extra fees apply.

We'll hit them until they're dead.

I mean dead-er, they're already dead.

Well, until they stop moving. You know what I meant.

Don't be a sad panda.

There's always reasons to not be a sad panda.

Coffee is a thing.

Bamboo is not plentiful (consider your dietary choices!)

You'll never be as cute as this little guy.